Jude’s 2 1/2 and in those 30 odd months of his life we have shoved tubes down his nose to feed him, sucked stuff from his throat, had a tube inserted into his stomach (twice) and now we have to stick a needle in his finger to make him bleed so we can test his ketones and blood sugar levels.
I’ve never really had a problem with needles, indeed when I was nursing I would regularly inject patients – usually in their buttock. I had a system, a hybrid of what I was taught and what I introduced to the technique myself. Pull skin, plunge needle into skin, inject, withdraw. I just added….and close my eyes. I never actually saw the needle enter the body, I felt it enter my thumb once or twice but that was just an occupational hazard.
But Jude now has this little, teeny weeny needle that pops out at great speed and creates the smallest amount of blood and he doesn’t even flinch when we do it and I thought to myself…..I wonder if it hurts. So I sat there with this spring loaded needle contraption pressed against my finger with my thumb hovering over the trigger. And I couldn’t do it. Shame.
I’ve never thought about shoving a tube up my nose and down my throat and imbibing a nice vintage port, nor have I considered using a suction tube to rid myself of unwanted secretions and never have I wondered whether I should surgically implant a feeding tube in my stomach so why, out of the blue, I should sit there with a loaded needle wondering whether I should pull the trigger I do not know? At least my only witness was my son…..and he loves me enough not to say anything.